THE STORY OF A FORMER DRUG ABUSER

The emptiness in my soul makes me wonder when all would come to an end. There is a battle within, and I come out the loser always. Loser! Yes, loser. The woman at the Mini bus had said. I had looked sexily at her and tried one of my moves. "Don’t mess with me loser" She yelled sneering. "It’s written all over your face.
I felt so ashamed and yet tried to be macho. What a loser, I thought. Why did she have to attract all the attention? Oh my God! Why do I always have to make a fool of myself?

Have you ever been in a maze, and all you hit were dead ends? Not bad if you had hope of finding your way out. Have you ever been in pitch darkness and hoped your eyes would get accustomed and may be you would find a way. How would it feel if you groped around in eternity and there was no way out?

Vision blurred, harsh and hostile darkness wrapped around you like a garment almost tangible. You are so scared like you were in a horror movie, only this is for real. Your life is a nightmare and you know it. You wish you were dead, but you are alive. Your life is full of drama but the consequences are real. This is how it feels like to be a junky. The only escape is when stoned or high. Nerves are calm, life is bliss, hey -- not for long, darkness awaits.

I longed for freedom but found none. When I needed help, my brother told me to see a shrink. "What good would it do to me?" I thought, I'm already gone. Breaking out is now too hard, among my peers I am a hero. I crave for it. I depend on it. This is my identity.

Every morning I have an agenda, where can I get my next fix. By now I have graduated from the common pot, to khat, mandrax, valium, roche, and all that represents. Of course, I need hard liquor to gulp it down, that gives you direct injection. It’s like shooting I’ve heard but that stuff is too expensive. Only the rich enjoy the crack and coke. With a little money, I can walk into any drug store, make them think I need a prescription. They need the money so they will sell.

I am in my worst dilemma and my brother thinks I will be ok. My sister is concerned too but can’t help. "Do you know what you did yesterday?" She asks. "I can’t remember", I say. "What happened"? You almost killed this guy, look at the bruise on your knuckle". A tooth mark runs through my right finger, evidence of a fight I can’t recall. Scars on my face give tell tale stories. Oh my, who will save me from this darkness?

They finally took me away, a menace to society they said. It was the worst time, yet the best. I looked through the bars and caught sight of the hawk flying lazily in the distance. So free it seemed. The whole world is open to its adventures. Can I feel the same, I thought?
After a couple of months my system was clean. I could live without it now I knew.

Thank God for a renewed faith and a new worldview. I am a free man. I met the man who told me all about me. He showed me the way out. He is the true physician.
I read that tattered Bible and it became alive to me. Some papers were missing. They had rolled weed and cigarettes with it, some used it for toilet paper; what a sham. The only material I could glean, was my ticket to liberty and freedom. He promised to renew my mind like that of a young boy.

I am fresh and alive healthy and whole. "... You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free." Scripture echoed down deep within. It became honey to my mouth and fire to my belly.

What a joy to be free.